We can’t sleep through the next decade
pursuing well-being when the world's against us
Last fall, I decided to write about well-being practices. The posts aim to integrate my personal reflections about the well-being pillar in my own life and a review of the science.
I wrote a post about movement: next up was sleep. Weeks passed; my deadline passed. I couldn’t bring myself to write about it.
When I looked around my life, my sleep wasn’t feeling…great. I noticed a regular bedtime about 1.5 hours past when my body was cueing me to go to bed. I sometimes couldn’t say no to another episode of the Sopranos. I woke up feeling exhausted and regularly stayed in bed scrolling because I couldn’t get up.
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I didn’t really want to reflect on my routine and sleep hygiene. I also didn’t want to learn more about how I was harming my body by not getting enough rest.
Most notably, I didn’t want to say no to my desire to stay up late.
Sound familiar? For most of us, the first line of defense against psychological pain is avoidance; how human of me!
The whole point of Well-being on Purpose (WoP) is to have space to explore the complexities of behavior change related to well-being. This individualistic reflection falls flat if we don’t look outside of ourselves to interrogate the world in which our behaviors take place. It feels similar to the proverbial “Don’t shop on Amazon.” Okay, important, but also, I literally can’t get my toothpaste from a local store, I checked, and shouldn’t someone with more power than me be doing something about Amazon? It’s a both/and situation: do what you can and also your individual actions are not enough.
Insert: an interim WoP article meant to contextualize health and well-being behaviors in 2025
First, we must name and truly face how hard (/impossible) it can be to take good care of ourselves when our wages are stagnant, we live in a political dystopia, experience inadequate social safety nets, and a technological hellscape (no ref for this one - that’s just my opinion) amidst a climate crisis.
Though money isn’t everything, money is pretty damn important and evidence suggests those with more wealth will enjoy better health. The median salary of a middle income household in 1970 was $66,000 (adjusted for inflation)1. This is $11,000 more than a job offer I received in 2021 with five years of experience and a masters degree. I then looked at US Census data from 1970. I am delighted to report that the same job offer in 2021 is about equivalent to the median income of a man in 1970 ($6,670 or $54,270 adjusted for inflation). Too bad we’re in a cost of living crisis! I did accept that job; it was a significant raise from my previous employment where I was making <$50,000 per year.
Financial security affords us: access to nutrient-dense foods, perhaps nutrient-dense prepared foods, safe transportation, a safe and (if you’re incredibly fortunate) walkable neighborhood, clean water, adequate and safe housing, the ability to financially resolve an emergency, access healthcare, specialist care, and “extra” health-promoting services like therapy, massage, a registered dietitian, and more.
Additionally, if you have regular access to resources (leisure time, knowledge, money, physical abilities, etc.) you are one of the lucky ones. Resources are not guaranteed and degree of access correlates to race, socioeconomic status, education, gender identity, class, etc.
Yet, I return to the truth that we must take care of ourselves amidst the chaos, even if the system is actively designed to make this exceedingly challenging. Taking care of yourself is more important than ever.
I want to be sure to name this loud and clear: individual health is not exclusively an individual responsibility:
We deserve nations that legally protect our soil, water, crop, and air quality.
We deserve a government that ensures all citizens (and residents and immigrants and visitors) have access to affordable foods that meet our vitamin, mineral, and macronutrient (carbs, fats, proteins) needs.
We deserve employment laws that legally require and protect paid time off, prioritizes paid family leave, and adequate vacation time. Oh and, actually pays a living wage.
We deserve regulations that place legal restrictions on companies vying to keep us addicted to technology, manipulate our attention, exploit the price of goods, and co-opt our peace for profit.
We honestly deserve more than this but, y’know, we’re starting from the bottom.
Andrew Stutesman, on Unsplash; click to see his work
Amidst these mammoth issues, how insignificant is my individual conflict to get to bed on time?
Well, it turns out, pretty significant. Sarah Eckel wrote a brilliant piece outlining how important our lack of sleep is for the economy. If we are awake for more hours of the day, there is more time for us to see ads, want things, and purchase items. We can’t buy things or passively consume ads if we’re sleeping, folks! Companies work hard to make it more challenging for us to choose to go to bed. Days later, I’m still seething.
Framing my intimately personal conflict to get to bed around the blurry image of my sleep as a barrier to consumption is the cultural context of my well-being “behavior”. This won’t change soon.
I can notice the profound negative impact exhaustion has on my life and am left to the responsibility of changing my individual behavior. The problem is, we now live in an environment filled with such tantalizing, exciting, engaging “things” that mustering up the self-control to say no is…much harder than ever before! Taken together, I’m going on a limb to say: it takes more energy/discipline to “go to bed” than it did 50 years ago.
As an individual with bright, glimmery screens begging for “one more episode!” In order to take care of myself, I must voice a compassionate (if not authoritative) “No” to the glowing economy in the room a la Netflix or HBO Max. I must distance myself from revenge bedtime procrastination3 for my own well-being. I must plug my phone to be charged in the kitchen.
Rest is resistance and sleep is one of the most personal and vulnerable acts. Our body catches sleep alone (even if a loved one sleeps nearby), we assume a physical position of rest, our body temperature drops, we linger with closed eyes before unconsciousness greets us, we’re quiet, we’re cozy, we dream. We are not watching the Sopranos. We are not flicking through an ad. Now that our caveman brain knows all the entertainment we’re giving up to go to bed, this objectively essential experience (sleeping)...sorta sucks, is kinda “boring”; it’s againt our instincts to deny enjoyment/pleasure.
But it sucks more to be tired.2
I am entering my sixth month of self-employment after over a decade of employment in Universities (allow me to count working at the Financial Aid office at a University in high school, thank you) with a strict 8-5, M-F schedule.
Identifying my own work hours, observing how my body feels at different times of the day, and truly feeling the depth of true autonomy over my time has deepened and expanded my attunement of caring for my body.
Please don’t quit your job! I am not saying this to romanticize self-employment (that 1970s white man is financially better off than 2025 me). I share this because, even as an intrinsically motivated person around health/wellness: it was not possible for me to take care of myself in the ways I needed when I was working a traditional job (+ small private practice on the side).
Maybe this is due to a mis-match of circadian rhythm (lil preview of the eventual WoP: Sleep article), maybe it was because my work:financial compensation ratio did not allow me to outsource life admin tasks (like ordering take out or buying costly prepared foods, cleaning services, etc.), or maybe it’s just because I was either overworked (traditional nutrition counseling job), lacked meaning (research job), or was constantly splitting my brain between tasks (part time research job + part time private practice).
What I found when I was working 8-5 was this:
I could not, ever, consistently create a morning routine which included moving my body, despite movement being important/enjoyable to me
I struggled to continue to attend group yoga classes in the evenings due to fatigue/life admin “Stuff” that needed to happen. I couldn’t afford the time it took to drive to/from class. I often took an online movement class while dinner was in the oven.
I largely simplified my food intake to be “convenient” or “preppable” to make eating the least amount of work possible.
Most urgently, I could not tangibly slow down my mind enough to actually benefit from self-care practices. Katie Lemons discusses this phenomenon in a few essays.
Ways I have been able to take care of myself working full time in my private practice Nutrition Made Well:
I am able to move my body in the morning. This has had a profound impact on my aforementioned low energy levels.4
I am able to organize my eating pattern in a way that works better for my body/digestive diagnosis.
I never have to pack a lunch (this sounds silly but this would trigger profound agitation after nearly 18 years of packing my lunch)
I can adjust my work locations to my physical needs (a couch, a library, kitchen table, coffee shop, standing desk, etc.)
I can, except for client calls, completely change my working hours to accommodate my energy and mental health needs.
I suppose this transition post is to validate: If you are struggling to make well-being practices a part of your life while working a full time job and commuting and serving on the PTA or local political group or WHATEVER:
IT MAKES SENSE. THIS IS BY DESIGN.
Our system is not designed for personal well-being. Our system is designed to keep us exhausted and barely hanging on, and worst case scenario: sick.
You should not have to wake up at 5AM (if you’re not an early bird) to go to an intense fitness class with no time for a breakfast that didn’t come in a package5. You should not have to meditate endlessly to barely survive a toxic work environment.
We can’t out-smart a system with wellness wheels or mindfulness or a meager PTO offering.
Women are being sold lies on the internet (MAHA post to come); let me loudly say: your health and well-being should not be (and quite frankly, isn’t) exclusively a personal responsibility. Well-being should be a core value of our society, protected by services, resources, and emergency support funded by governing bodies.
It’s challenging to facilitate well-being when your experience of the world is colored with fear, worry, climate despair, political terror, etc.
Truly, what we all might need to start with?
A nap.
Reflection questions:
What practices are helping you stay connected to your body?
What challenges are you facing in caring for yourself?
What changes would you make to our society to better support individuals?
1) Other sources cite about $55,000
2) A core memory I have with my husband is gleefully convincing him to keep watching the thriller Hijack with Idris Elba. We stayed up until 4am watching the series straight through and it felt so joyful and fun. We slept until almost noon the next day. I’d do it again in a heartbeat!
3) When we have no goddamn time to rest throughout our day, of course we remain awake until the wee hours to get a few sacred moments of relaxation
4) Color me changed: in my last WoP post, I lamented morning movement! I am a convert.
5) Breakfasts in packages are fine: I mean that you don’t have time to make a breakfast that is larger, has more food groups, and is more satisfying due to time constraints.