I couldn’t do more with less
writing while working; a life update
Isn’t it just the pits to want something to be different and yet be stuck exactly as you are right now? 2023 offered me the unique pain of witnessing my “potential” sitting stagnant while I simultaneously doggy paddled to avoid drowning. I was working in a way that was not sustainable and I was beginning to feel the effects of a full time job + building my nutrition counseling private practice Nutrition Made Well.
That potential I mentioned? Just the little/small dream tiny-Staci has had since elementary school to be a writer. Currently I’d be satisfied with writing…literally…anything at all. This isn’t writers block. The writer has quit and is at work around the block.
“I could write!” “I want to make a YouTube channel!” “I want to create (nutrition) resources for people!”
But, I couldn’t do more. Most of us can not do more. Each of us fill every hour of every day with things we need to do, hopefully things we want to do, and it isn’t straightforward to make time when each hour in a day already has a job.
That nagging from my heart to write sat right next to the big truth that I needed time before I could act. Writing and creating is intertwined with my hopes for Nutrition Made Well, too (which also feels complicated). This year, for maybe the first time, I could see a future life that isn’t solely dictated by my deep desire for stability and security (i.e. maybe I could in fact work for myself). I can see that taking risks might be worth it! I can see myself lessening the grip on what I “should” do. Maybe I don’t need to choose my life path based on avoiding fear?! I have a sense that writing will help me understand and see that vision more clearly.
In July, I reorganized my full time work to give 10-15 hours a week back to myself. Three months in, I feel like I can breathe a bit easier. Things feel a bit more calm. As I was thinking about how I wanted to spend this quarter, I looked back at the monthly calendars in my planner (I take little notes on the monthly calendar about my life). I felt this drop in my gut: I really haven’t been thriving…at all this year.
Different days, different months…
Exhausted
Bad mental health day
Luteal phase - uhg (IYKYK)
Horrible reflux all day, low energy
VERY SLEEPY
Sciatic pain
I am not immune to the trap of compartmentalizing my physical well being from my mental well being, but, they are not separate. Anxiety lives in my gut and in my mind. Stress screams as a headache and as racing thoughts. I wasn’t feeling great because I was working more than my body could handle, but I also think I wasn’t feeling great because I was ignoring part of myself begging to be listened to.
Writing won’t make me less exhausted. Trying to “do more” without the time/energetic resources will not create sustaining or self-led support. Wellness culture would tell me to add an 8-step morning routine, take a supplement, and meditate. No.
You know what helped? Cutting my hours at my full time job. Doing less.
With that time (afternoons): I see my incredible clients! Go to business coaching! Write chart notes! Build a website!
And with the time I used to do the above (nights, weekends): I clean my house, life admin tasks, make food, move my body, talk to my loved ones, spend time with my husband, read books, read at coffee shops, watch TV, etc.
Pursuing writing doesn’t feel like a stressful burden anymore. It feels interesting and exciting and something to do on a Sunday afternoon.
I plan to publish this newsletter weekly through the end of the year. Behind the scenes, I’ll be observing the impact it has on my well being (and possibly professional life!). I will probably let you know how it goes.
I plan to publish one piece of writing per week. The topics currently look like:
Personal reflections about wellness/well-being (maybe more?)
Strategies to better know how to care for ourselves
The challenges we face when pursuing behavior change
Body image, nutrition, health
These may evolve over time, but these are things that fill me with delight and/or peace to write and think about. I hope you’ll join me!
Did you bop a button on that poll? Tell me more about it in the comments!