In a body--not quite summer, not quite fall

when things feel more like the in-between

Something happened in 2013. All of a sudden, every friend I knew started segmenting and examining their life phases as “seasons”. Suddenly, this all-encompassing vernacular was something I could not escape. In window-filled coffee shops, season of life was spoken in soft tones, a latte in hand, and as way to disclose they went thru it without having to actually talk about it. Plus, they’re either in the season and using the phrase to dismiss hardship, or stating that the season is now over. Leaves are raked — they’ve moved on. ok!

I had a client comment recently that they felt they were “between seasons” - specifically regarding their experience in their body. I took this reflection to mean:

My body is currently in the process of visibly changing. It is not what it was, but I don’t think it’s quite done changing.

Our bodies are changing every minute of every day. We have bone cells that are munching up old bone, while other bone cells are replacing the munched bone. Our skin sheds off with new underneath, our hair grows, our teeth yellow, our nutrients miraculously build muscle, the lining of our stomach, our heart, brain, eyes…everything of course is in constant repair and maintenance outside of our awareness and control.

That’s not what we talk about when we talk about our bodies changing. We talk about pant size or our reflection in the mirror. Mostly, we talk about how we feel about it changing. Many people experience these changes as definitive: I am different now. Fewer people feel the breeze of change and gently acknowledge another gust of wind may be around the corner. And, quite frankly—for good reason—it can feel terrifying to witness change and not know exactly the moment and second that change will “end” (spoiler; it doesn’t).

Summer does not halt the day before fall arrives. Summer gently wafts away as cool air makes its way towards our cities and towns. Air and leaves get crispy and crunchy. A hot day pops in every now and then, though now frequently outnumnered by dropping temperatures. We roll our eyes at dressing for 50 degrees in the morning, and 85 degrees in the afternoon. There is discomfort in this transition. God, don’t get me started on having to unearth all my winter clothes from under my bed—truly the worst transition of the year.

In that transition also comes preferences: “Nooo I love the hot days!” or “FALL VIBES!!!” These also will likely feel positive or negative. Not only must we muster change but we also must manage our reaction to the “between” season: the not-quite-summer or basically-winter. Perhaps this comes with anticipating a season you don’t like. Or longing for, and loving, the one that is slowly exiting. It’s not all that different from how we experience our bodies.

I’m going to go on a limb and say every person has likely experienced something they liked about their body changing towards something they like less. This “in between” season can be profoundly painful. There can be suffering in the emergence of differences, in the preferences that feel so deafeningly loud. Body image conversations in the zeitgeist are often dismissive, overly simplistic, and lack the dimension and nuance of actual body image experiences. Our relationship with our bodies is not a problem to be solved. It is not a season that starts or ends. It is the gathering of every single season we live (literally and figurative) and all the in-betweens that we remember right now…combined with all that you anticipate coming for you in the future. That sounds like a lot to me.

Maybe the richest spots in life are actually sandwiched between two memorable times. Maybe we don’t need to self-actualize every single thing we experience, but rather, try to practice just being with them. We can be with our suffering and we also can seek ways to sooth ourselves. The cool morning can be right next to the warm afternoon. We can wear a scarf and drink hot cocoa in the morning and then we can take a nice afternoon stroll with confusingly blazing, hot, sunshine.